Royal wedding fashion train-wreck, and only 5 days to go

Photo: Exclusive Pics, Daily Mail

What happened to the legendary British reserve and stiff-upper-lip? The females in the royal wedding are freaking out over fashion — in public!

Here’s the state of play on Day 5 in the Royal Wedding Fashion Countdown:

* Prince William’s aunt, Sophie Wessex, throws a hissy fit IN THE STREET outside the atelier of couturier Bruce Oldfield. Her daughter Lady Louise Windsor, will be a flower girl in the wedding.

If you’re late to the Royal Wedding Watching Party, Sophie is married to Queen Elizabeth’s youngest son, Prince Edward.

And Sophie used to run a PR firm. As in, she should know better.

Let’s hope Sophie is having a cooling glass of something and will show up on Royal Wedding Day in one of her usual monochrome-dress-plus-wacky-hat combos.

Note to Kate Middleton: Don’t yell at the protection officers. They are not your servants; they’re actually the bosses of your physical safety. And the taxpayers bankroll their salaries.

* Mother of the bride, Carole Middleton, is

a) still shopping for her wedding clothes, and

b) in a public brawl with one dress designer and one milliner.

Brawling with a milliner. Don’t you love the 19th century sound of that? Hat pins at dawn!

Biggest disappointment in all this (besides the fact that Carole “let the side down” for all us non-aristocrats) is that the dissed dress designer is Lindka Cierach, creator of the really lovely wedding gown for Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York.

I bet Lindka came up with something elegant for the Mother of the Bride. Or maybe she stuck a clonking big bow on the back again, and that’s why Carole was upset.

Not too late to take my fashion advice, Carole. I did everything but draw you a diagram.

* Windsor Easter Sunday fashion-train-wreck (as usual — it will be news when someone besides the Queen looks good).

Photo AP, Daily Mail

I’m sure they’re perfectly nice girls. Well, I’m not sure, but for the Queen’s sake, I hope so. Her granddaughters, Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice, look clean and healthy. We’ll leave it at that, shall we?

Fingers crossed they do better at their cousin’s wedding.